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You Have a Girlfriend - Hot or Not?

Hot or Not - Is it Fire or Style?

© 2010, William Marzullo

Remember how it was, when you "fell in love?" You could not wait to call the person or to see that person. Your weekend activities were consumed with intimacy. You were sure, "this was really the one."
Six or eight months later, if you broke up, you couldn't understand what went wrong. Was it the sex or some other issues?

It was the other issues.

Many couples go through the same scenario. It is almost like a script from a movie and may go something like this.

The man and woman meet online and after a few weeks of chatting, followed by talking on the telephone, they meet for coffee. The man and the woman, out of a divorce a few years and not in a relationship, are hungry for human touch, for affection, and connection. He thinks that she is the most beautiful woman in the world, and she thinks he is the most interesting and intelligent man she ever met. On the second date, they go to her house and what follows is 6 months of bliss and heightened sexual activity. Then the bottom seems to fall out. The sex becomes infrequent, they start to argue, and they begin to lose interest in each other. Finally, they call it quits. "I guess that she was not the one," he says.

Well, maybe or maybe not.

This "head over heels" love story usually occurs after you have not had sex or been in a relationship for a long time. It is no secret,and the falling in love process is actually associated with the pleasure pathways that have been acting on us since time began. These pathways are hard-wired into us and are designed to insure the procreation of the human species. Meeting and having sex trigger the release of dopamine and serotonin. When dopamine is released, it gives a person a sense of well-being. It tells us that the behavior we are doing is good for us. Serotonin gives us a feeling of confidence and security. The two working together are powerful mind magic that makes us feel that we are falling in love. This "high on love" feeling may last for up to a year. So, if you understand this, you may help yourself to avoid a mistake. For this reason, I recommend that you date your chosen partner for at least a year prior to any marriage engagement.

What brought about the breakup was not "fire" but "style" or should I say lifestyle. In the long term, the most important aspect of a relationship is the lifestyle of the participants. If, for example, your prospective partner likes outdoor sports activities and you would rather play scrabble every weekend, the relationship will have problems. If you are an avid churchgoer, and your partner is a twice a year churchgoer, that could spell trouble ahead. None of these problems are unsolvable, but the more dissimilarity in lifestyle, the greater chance for relationship difficulties. It is therefore reasonable that the new couple consider using one of the many personality inventory and compatibility measurement tools before things get out of hand. Most of the large dating sites have them available and there is one in my e-book. Upon completion of one of these tools, if you come up with many areas of dissimilarity, you know that you have your work cut out for you and can get started; sooner rather than later.

So, the next time the fire in your relationship starts to fizzle, consider that it was lifestyle issues and not water on the fire. Check out more information and other dating topics of interest and with insight at "Get That Girlfriend".

About the Author

Dr. William is a family practice physician with publications in both the relationship and the family medicine area. He has had broad life experiences and holds advanced degrees in Music, Engineering, and Medicine. A military officer, he has had assignments and practiced medicine in such diverse locations such as New Zealand, Abu Dhabi, where he worked for Sheikh Khalifa,Saudi Arabia, and the United States. His relationship website "Get That Girlfriend"is designed to promote mature, goal oriented and success oriented dating.

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Date: Sat, 27 Feb 2010 Time: 11:49 PM 0 comments